I started craving for liquor more and more. Whenever I found a way to get intoxicated I didn’t abstain myself from that opportunity. Most of the time my drinking was inopportune. I seldom remain sober. Alcohol was never my thing but, some of the things needed to be suppressed within oneself so, it helped me. I didn’t want to share it with anyone; this is the thing I felt of keeping up to myself. I still wallow in the nightmares of that day. It has been 5 years now since, me and my friends went for that adventurous trip.
I was just twenty-three then, when I decided to go for a trip along with my two childhood friends, Arjun and Rahul, to quench our thirst for adventure. We always used to seek for the bone rattling experiences and this time our quench was whetting our appetite for more now.
It was 20th June 2016. I called Rahul and asked him to pack his luggage. Moreover, I insisted him to carry few clothes and then I hanged up the call.
Then I called Arjun who lived near Rahul’s house. Arjun was the most pampered child in his family and to take him for any adventurous trip was not everyone’s pie of cake.
I called him and said “Hey Arjun, I and Rahul are going for an adventurous trip”
“Oh yeah! Where are you going this time?”
“Not yet decided but, we can roll anywhere to find something interesting! Would you like to join us?”
“Okay… I will be coming. Just give me some time to convince my parents.”
Arjun had to always convince his parents to let him go for any trip. He was seldom a good player but, he knows the amount of risk to be taken to avoid any precarious situation in the trip. This time the trio was ready with their previous experiences.
I asked Rahul and Arjun to go for a thrilling experience. There was an adventurous location near my village. There was a river that flew downstream through the village. My grandparents already told me about the peril this river had during heavy rainfall. We went there at night. It was around 1o’clock in the night and our excitement was unstoppable. We were at the berg of the river.
I still remember when me and my dad used to go to that river and my dad used to ask me to jump from that berg. The fear always fraughted in my mind to restrict myself jumping from that berg but, gradually, I was able to do that. My dad taught me swimming. Swimming in inappropriate places caught my attention and I was succumbed to try it anytime. I gained so much of confidence.
With the memories in my mind, I jumped into the river with the splashing water. Three of us started swimming in the river and I asked my friends to swim across the river and come back.
“Guys lets go, touch that opposite shore and return here.”
“Do you think we can do this?”, a question confronted me but I overlooked every menace and answered them with full confidence, “Yes mate! Obviously, we can do it.”
Then we started swimming across the river and then, after sometime, it started drizzling. I knew that if that rain didn’t stop then, the river will get transformed into the gigantic flow, on which nothing can remain surmounted. But, then I thought that this is what adventure is all about, when you are not certain about anything.
We crossed just half of the river and that incessant rain already fraughted the same fear in my mind as it did earlier. I screamed them to come back to the shore as it was getting dangerous and flow was imminent to drown us into it.
We started swimming back and we realised that we reached over the surface where river had its maximum depth. And suddenly the flow paced up with the unceasing rain. I was terrified at that time. I was able to look at the shore but, I was not able to scream for help. I was gasping for breath and so were my friends. They were not a good swimmer like me.
I again shouted looking at them, “If we make it to the quarter then we will get out of this violent water.”
“Come on we need to make it”
That was the last time I saw them, struggling for their life. Throwing their arms and legs over the splashing water. Carrying a bewildered look on their faces. I saw the fear in their eyes. I was helpless to drag them from that turbulent flow. I looked at the sky with the silver lines with dark background, creating a morbid environment for us. The sound of the clouds gave me goose bumps. After that I didn`t look backward, I was just splashing the water as hard as I could to float and remain over the surface and I started losing my sight. I wasn`t able to understand what was happening with me. I was losing my consciousness.
After that I don’t know what happened to me and my friends.
I was lying unconsciously in the shallow water near the shore. The rain drops were falling over my face. A man with the yellow rain coat was pumping on my chest. I was able to listen to the sounds of sirens prevailing over that place. I was shell-shocked by what happened. I saw some life guards running towards the river with their rafting boats.
I was getting my senses back but I wasn’t able to figure out the situation.
A person came towards me and said, “You are lucky that you survived but your friends were not so lucky.”
Hearing his words, I was traumatized. I wasn’t able to hold on to my legs, I fell down. My two friends lost their life because I manipulated them to do it. In just few moments, my whole world turned up-side down.
Two-days later their bodies were found, somewhere one mile ahead where we got into pitfall. Their bodies were taken out from the river.
Albeit, I was never fully blamed for the causalities but, I knew that it all happened because of me. I gave them a false hope to believe in me. I toyed with their faith. I can never reimburse the loss. I know, no amount of penance can reduce the guilt that I feel. I will have to carry it as a burden throughout my life.
After this incident, my life was on the track back again but one thing which occupied me was the guilt that I had. But, somehow, I was able to get away from this burden which was eating me up, for some time. I never enjoyed drinking, but this time I got to know why people drink. I fell in the category where people seek to skip away from reality. My health was depreciating but I was able to spend some good time by skipping the reality.
The time was passing like this with its usual pace.
One day a strange thing happend with me.
My body was shivering, my eyelids were struggling to remain open and my legs, shambling. The darkness was umpteenth times darker in the surrounding. I was able to observe only squeaking sound coming from all the directions, trickling the sweat out from my palms and forehead. It was the place where you get to feel your own fear giving you the goose bumps and drenching you in the sweat. The extreme silence to listen of the throbbing heart beat and gulping down of saliva clearly. I was trying to be bold and calm but my senses started betraying me, they started filling me with fear, the fear of someone yanking at me from any direction, any time. I realised that I was in sinister. This place has got morbid vibes. The rotten smell was a sinister. The more I tried to figure out the situation, the more intense the voices became. I was trying to grab something by throwing my hands in all the possible directions, but I didn`t get anything. What I heard was a swish in the darkness followed by a flurry of air which was rattling the leaves. The stark blackness was prevailing and the sounds of sudden swish were still freezing me. I was placed in some other world giving me cold and bewilderedness. Apparently, I was drifting myself into the more peril by getting restless. Eventually, I wasn`t able to move my feet and my arms got freeze. Only my eyes were able to roll over but, my eyelids were no better working, my body got stiffed. I felt as if I was placed in a void having every dimension squeezing my body. I started gasping for the breath. I was able to feel the choke which was dragging me into the unconsciousness; it was getting impossible for me to retrieve back from that eerie place.
And then I felt my left ankle, my only body part responding to me at that time, banging on the floor. Gradually, I was getting my senses in control and then, with my ankle in action continuously. As I was hitting the ankle, I was able to recuperate from the helplessness. My fear assuaged and I started reviving from the death to life.
My eyelids were getting in control. I stretched them as wide as I could, to have a bird eye view on everything.
I woke up with my pillow drenched in sweat. I was feeling very tired and horrified at the same time. It was a new experience in jeopardy.
Some or the other way I knew, it was because of the over drinking of alcohol. My senses have started fading. That adventurous trip resulted into so many horrible dreams on which I can never ever get over. I was getting Sleep paralysis attacks.