It’s emotionally draining to imagine someone touching the same bare skin with their bare fingers that once you have kissed, licked, bit and sniffed. Not like a dog though, or maybe.
So, your ex is getting engaged?
Come on! It’s not like you never knew that this was going to happen one day, but I understand that you never allowed such dreadful thoughts to entertain your conscious mind. You were too busy finding a mate better than your ex, but you never thought that even your ex is perhaps on the same mission as you.
Okay, yes you came here just to know what to do if your ex is getting engaged, definitely not to get mildly roasted by a random internet nerdy writer. But we all know that engagements are generally followed by skin-to-skin contact or vice versa. So, that’s the pain you’ll have to endure once you get the (heart) breaking news, and trust me it’s absolutely ok.
What must be bothering you is this one big question: How come you aren’t over them yet?
So, listen to me, my sweet summer child, it’s completely okay to feel the rush of mixed emotions for days or weeks, or even months if you were too deep into them. But before you do anything regretful, involving liquor and a few unwelcoming phone calls or texts, let’s dive into the five things to keep in mind after hearing the announcement that you definitely label as the most emotionally traumatic experience of your life. But trust me it isn’t. Read on to know why.
1. You Are Not Going to Die Alone
Let’s be honest here without beating around the bush, whenever we find out someone we know is getting engaged, and in this case our ex, the first thing that comes to our mind is that we are going to end up alone. But remember that it was just a relationship. It was good while it lasted but so was your childhood, or the most beautiful summer of your life.
Just because you have a failed relationship, doesn’t mean your entire life is doomed. And never forget that you found your ex. What makes you believe you won’t find anyone else? There are always more fish in the sea.
2. It’s Not About You
Just because your ex decided to get engaged doesn’t mean that you are not good enough. Announcements like these definitely sow a seed in your mind that if your ex can give their lifelong companionship to someone, why not me? Or is that new person better than me?
The answer is, NO! No one is better than anyone. We all just are! We are subjective beings living our own experiences, and making our own mistakes. Moreover, it’s not always a single person at fault when a relationship ends. And no matter how much you hate thinking this: indeed, your ex isn’t laughing at your miseries right now.
Just to emphasize it again: They weren’t even thinking of you when they decided to hit it off with another person. So don’t take it personally. Chill and throw your hook into the sea, the fish is waiting for you.
3. Remember The Reasons
Just think of it this way: Your ex was probably the worst person you ever came across in your life, or they might be the best. But there was a reason it didn’t work out between you two. If it had to work, it would have, but clearly, it didn’t click. So just make your heart believe that you dodged a bullet and if your ex is really the worst person you claim they are, thank their partner for taking the bullet that was meant for you.
I’d even say congratulate them on their engagement (avoiding verbally feeling sorry for your ex’s partner though) and then look at all the bad stuff your ex put you through. Just, you know, never forget that there is a reason you aren’t together and that reason is perfectly valid.
4. Acknowledge your Feelings
Emotional pain is inevitable. It hurts when your ex gets engaged, or begins dating your best friend, or your friends plan a holiday without involving you. Yeah, life is full of such events that bring you down so hard you can’t help but feel worthless and absolutely depressed. But then again, only the one who has seen the darkest night knows what a bright sunrise feels like.
Don’t run away from what you’re feeling or put on a façade of happiness when you are feeling absolutely shitty about yourself. Just be yourself and own your feelings, and understand that it’s completely okay to be broken sometimes. It makes you know yourself better and helps you turn into a better decision-maker.
Also, give yourself some solitary time if you prefer being alone or surround yourself with your well-wishers, if loneliness bites you. Just learn to cope, it’ll all be good.
5. It Gets Easier
No matter how much you don’t like to believe it when you’re in the moment of sharp shooting pain that engulfs the centre of your chest, it does get easier. After the initial hellish days, the pain will fade slowly; within months, you wouldn’t know where it dissolved. The thing about time is that it’s never the same.
So, just avoid doing anything stupid for the first few days if you don’t want to pile up your ‘regrets folder’ and you’ll find that it definitely gets better and when the storm is over, you’ll be able to see the world much more clearly.
Don’t forget your ancestors have survived fighting the most dangerous predators in the wilderness, and for what? You can definitely get over a little heartbreak. Your ancestors are looking down from heaven!
So, there it is, my two cents on how to mentally deal with the engagement of your ex with whom you had once planned an entire lifetime. But think of your future partner who’s looking for you right now in all the wrong places. Make yourself mentally and emotionally available to them and the only way to do that is to forgive what was and look ahead. The sun rises every day and also engagements break every day. So… You get my point, right? (wink)